I turned 40 at the end of 2017, and on my 35th birthday in 2012, I heard that an actor was interested in directing my breakthrough script.

 

As stated in the "About" section, I knew he wanted to star in the project, but his directing interest came as a surprise to me. Looking back,  I should've done more to reclaim the script over the past several years. Between New York and Long Island, I live in one of the wealthiest, most densely-populated areas in the world, though I've never taken advantage of it. And that's what brings me to the tiny animals above.

I came across them in an art supply store, and given the soft rubber and hand-painted detail, they look far more impressive in your hands than they do in this picture. (And they look adorable in the picture.) Over the past few years, I've given a lot of these away, and it's hard to explain just how much happiness they bring people. They're simple toys, of course, but whether you're talking about the small child who's seen everything or the billionaire who has everything, there's nothing you can buy for a dollar that makes people smile like these little guys.

 

This is ridiculous on its face, but if I hit up New York and Long Island with the goal of selling a million of them, three things could happen: 

One, I could reacquire my script from Lantern Capital. Two, I could finance a newer project. Three, if all else fails, I could rest in the knowledge that I did everything I could to avoid letting my script die in Harvey Weinstein's hands. Faced with those options, I did the sensible thing, and bought a ton of the animals wholesale. Now I can sell them for a buck, and really, I can get out of the house more often.

Bill Clinton's birth father was a door-to-door salesman. He died three months before his son was born. I've always been fascinated by that, as he clearly passed down a stunning intellect (which was probably fundamental to his own work). When I thought about trying to literally sell something -- since I could also meet potential investors for future projects -- my first idea was to sell high-end tobacco cards. Granted, the market for sports memorabilia is limited, even if the margins are high. With the tiny animals, however, the margins are low, but the market is seemingly endless. At my age, I may or may not go door-to-door and sell toys, but I'll find all sorts of competent people who will. As I said, it's ridiculous on its face and simply absurd, but I think I can sell a million little animals faster than my Shoeless Joe rookie card.

I ordered thousands of the tiny animals above. In selling them individually, they're moving like hotcakes. If you'd like to buy some, send me an e-mail, and you can PayPal me $10, $20, and so on. I plan to buy additional animals as soon as possible, but let's see how things go. Frankly, I have no illusions about selling a million toys, but I can sell 100,000, finance an art project, then save some cash for what's next. Judging by the overwhelming response I've received in selling these on a grassroots level -- via simple flyers -- I couldn't be more pleased.  

Here are the animals you can choose from. I'd add a shopping cart, but much like my script notes service, I don't want to be presumptuous.

1) Moose

2)  Kangaroo

3) T-Rex 

4) Holstein cow

5) Giraffe

6) Alligator

7) Zebra

8) Elephant

9) Polar bear

10) Penguin

11) Killer whale

12) Lion

13) Tiger

14) Golden retriever

15) Great white shark

16) Rhino

17) Gorilla

18) Panda

19) Koala bear

20) Octopus

21) Bison

22) Manatee

23) Pony

24) Blue whale

25) Donkey 

26) Sea lion

27) Brontosaurus

28) Stegosaurus

29) Brachiosaurus

30) Frog

31) Beluga whale

32) Clown fish

33) Dolphin

34) Dachshund

35) Sea turtle hatchling

36) Black bear

37) Okapi

38) Pufferfish

39) Meerkat

40) Seahorse

41) Woolly mammoth